“We may, out of a genuine concern for the fellowship, want to take control of what happens in our groups and service committees.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 80
As I observe myself in action, I have been amazed to discover a complete lack of self-acceptance coexisting with incredible arrogance. How can this be? Because I feel intense inadequacy and insecurity, my addict overcompensates with self-defeating attitudes such as self-righteousness and a complete self-assurance about what others should do with their lives or their recovery. It never ceases to amaze me.
I have observed that, the more sure I am about being right, the more careful I need to be about saying anything. I try to keep in mind that everyone present has a Higher Power, and I am not it! The group as a whole has the guidance of a loving God, as expressed in our group conscience. If I can open myself to the guidance of a loving Higher Power and to the process of group conscience, my urge to control outcomes passes. After the urge subsides, I often see the wisdom of the group conscience. I see how things worked out just fine, usually for the best.
Maintaining connection to a loving Higher Power brings serenity and leads to emotional sobriety. Since acting out had been a way of coping with uncomfortable feelings, maintaining emotional sobriety now helps me maintain sexual sobriety.
How important is it? Good question!