October 7

“In the long run, the most effective amends we can make to others and to ourselves is in our commitment to recovery.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 51

The time span between hitting my bottom and the moment I spoke the last word of my amends to a close loved one was nine long years. I will always recall the evening I first spoke a confession of my actions through an insurmountable veil of pain and regret. I shared my worst addictive behaviors and I could barely stand to look at the tearful face across from me.

Backed by a loving God, years of recovery, and the help of my sponsor, I revealed to a loved one the regret I had felt over my actions and how much I wanted my life to reflect the changes I sought.

The program then gave me gifts I could not have foreseen. Following my explanation of feelings, hope, and a desire for continued spiritual growth, it was time for my loved one to share. What I received was, at first, hard honesty. Pain, disappointment, and betrayal were words used that cut through me with the hot blade of truth. But I also heard the words change, healing and even proud.

I now found myself able to accept positive words of affirmation and encouragement from another. Giving and receiving respect, love, and thankfulness had become natural as I began to walk a path of living amends.

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A living amends continues to gently surround me with serenity—a gift from the program and my Higher Power.