October 9

“Our closest relationships may offer the most challenges to our honesty, compassion, and integrity, but we are often rewarded beyond our expectations.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 61

Today a fellow addict called and told me she is having contact with a man she used to live with. In the past she has asked the group and me for support in staying away from this man. I am afraid. I am afraid someone I care about is behaving in a way that has a history of hurting her.

She did not call for permission; she doesn’t need it. She knows that the program we follow requires rigorous honesty. She knows that, if the group is to be an important tool in her recovery, she needs to be honest.

She also knew what my reaction would be. Honesty is a two-way street. If I am to be of any use in her and my recovery, I need to be honest with her. I respectfully told her I was scared that she was setting herself up to be hurt and to relapse. I also reminded her that, regardless of the outcome, I still care about her and she is always welcome at the meeting.

Perhaps her relationship will be different this time, perhaps not. But I know that, if her anguish returns, she has a safe place and caring people to turn to. I also know that, if this relationship turns out to be something delightful, she has people who will celebrate with her.

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Today I will remember the importance of honesty tempered with humility.