September 11

“If we are fearful, we can gently and courageously allow ourselves to consider the possibility of surrendering our familiar defects, trusting that our Higher Power will not give us more than we can handle.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 40

In Step Six, I learned that I wore my defects like an old, worn out blanket. It may be smelly, torn, and discolored, but it was also familiar and deceptively comforting. I learned that my defects were born out of survival and that becoming ready meant I was ready to learn new behaviors. This terrified me.

Despite my fear, I had to learn to trust God even more than I already did. I had to trust that if I gave up the false protection of the blanket—the self-loathing and fear and shame—that God would not leave me shivering in the dark. This took a while for me to do, but when I was ready to surrender and throw away that old blanket, miraculous things started to happen. I had opened the door to change.

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I trust that my Higher Power will protect me today.