View all:  Voices of Recovery

September 23

“Unacknowledged fear is often a pervasive aspect of our addictive thinking and behavior.”

Tools of Recovery, page 21

Whenever I find myself at a loss for how to do the next thing before me, I feel at once the lure of drowning the peril in addictive practice. I may fear the tedium of doing the dishes. Or, I may fear my own stupidity—not knowing how to solve a task, which I have, in fact, not even yet defined, for goodness sakes! Postponement is the garment I don to meet the emergency—and then another postponement and then another—until I am stifled under the weight of them all. Sleep, entertainment, and certain virtuous evasions also work. But, for this addict, the ideal way of eluding of fear was sex addiction. It was exciting, it was diverting, and it was time-consuming.

If I wake my day with a sober eye, sit and visit with God, pray for God’s care, ask for blessings on others, and make a couple of program calls, then I find the energy to allow myself to breathe. I find the high and active energy of serenity. In short, I find I can postpone procrastination. I find I can walk towards my fears. And when I do, those fears are often not dragons at all, but worms, if that. I can read my day as it comes, as its pages turn, as it really is; and I am well.

The program helps me stop stalling and start striding forth, head held high.