September 25

“Step Six builds on the recognition that our malady has roots that run deeper than just our acting-out behavior.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 40

I knew for a long time that something was wrong with me, but I could not pinpoint what it was. I wanted my life to be different, but the deeper I got into my sex addiction, the less I was willing and able to look at my part. Naturally, my life continued to get worse. However, once I got into recovery, I instinctively knew there were underlying problems I had never dealt with. I also knew that, if I faced them now, I would find the help I needed and maybe some serenity.

I trust the program (that is, God) to help me deal with what I found out about myself from doing Steps Four and Five with my sponsor. As uncomfortable as it was, I saw the pain I had caused, and I knew I could not run away from my problems anymore. In trusting the process, I had to be willing to do different things to get different results.

Getting down to the causes and conditions helps me change my life for the better. Today, I am no longer under the delusion that my life will get better because I wish it, or if I just stop acting out. I know today that I need fundamental change in my life to find the happiness and serenity I so desperately sought when I first came into the program.

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Help me to face myself, that I may come to face this life as the gift it is.