September 28

“Best of all, I now see my life and experience as a gift. My past, as awful as it was, is a tool that I can use to help others with similar problems.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 212

That statement reminded me of prison and just how far the disease of sex addiction had taken me. Early in my recovery, I used that awareness to build resentment toward myself in a most destructive way. I wanted to know how and why I had gotten so sick and completely out of control. The fact is, it doesn’t matter; all that matters is what am I willing to do about it today.

It has only been through working the Steps and practicing the principles of the program that I have finally forgiven myself for that horrible bottom of prison and insanity that had become so familiar to me even after getting into the program. That feeling of prison and the experience it gave me has a completely different power now. I use it for my recovery; I share it with newcomers in a way that alerts them and me of just how bad my disease will get without the program of Sex Addicts Anonymous in my life.

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I can be grateful for those terrible reminders from my past—they help me remember why I’m here, and they help me help others.