View all:  Voices of Recovery

September 5

“Admitting that our willpower is insufficient allows us to be open to new ways of thinking and living.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 23

I came to SAA a devout atheist, but I was in despair and willing to try anything. When I read Step Two, I felt doomed. I was expected to believe in a Higher Power that was interested in me and my life.

I came to believe the program works because I heard it in the experience, strength, and hope shared in meetings. In good faith, I acquired a sponsor and worked Step One. Without understanding who had power over my addiction, I was willing to admit that I did not. Step One left me willing to change but with nothing to fill the void. Now Step Two loomed. How could I reconcile it with my upbringing and intellectual beliefs?

Flying home from Thanksgiving with my family, I was hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. I decided to act out. On the shuttle to the parking lot, I was on my phone seeking an acting-out venue when a voice behind me said hi. It was a man I had met in the program. Robert was returning from a different side of the country, yet here he was, right when and where I needed help to save me from myself. This could not be coincidence.

I did not need to seek my Higher Power. Admitting my powerlessness and surrendering my addiction opened room in my heart for my Higher Power to step in.

Help is here. May I be open to it.