September 5

“Admitting that our willpower is insufficient allows us to be open to new ways of thinking and living.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 23

I came to SAA a devout atheist, but I was in despair and willing to try anything. When I read Step Two, I felt doomed. I was expected to believe in a Higher Power that was interested in me and my life.

I came to believe the program works because I heard it in the experience, strength, and hope shared in meetings. In good faith, I acquired a sponsor and worked Step One. Without understanding who had power over my addiction, I was willing to admit that I did not. Step One left me willing to change but with nothing to fill the void. Now Step Two loomed. How could I reconcile it with my upbringing and intellectual beliefs?

Flying home from Thanksgiving with my family, I was hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. I decided to act out. On the shuttle to the parking lot, I was on my phone seeking an acting-out venue when a voice behind me said hi. It was a man I had met in the program. Robert was returning from a different side of the country, yet here he was, right when and where I needed help to save me from myself. This could not be coincidence.

I did not need to seek my Higher Power. Admitting my powerlessness and surrendering my addiction opened room in my heart for my Higher Power to step in.

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Help is here. May I be open to it.