Sponsorship moves our recovery into action. A sponsor provides guidance and support as we experience withdrawal and as we work through the steps. We encourage you to initiate a sponsor relationship by asking someone with whom you feel you might work well. Don’t be discouraged if you get a few “no’s.” In time you will receive the “yes” that is meant for you. When choosing, look for someone with qualities you respect, who is working the steps, and who has continuous sobriety from all inner-circle behaviors — those behaviors from which he or she has committed to abstain. Do not ask someone to whom you are sexually attracted, as this is a bad mix. If you live in an area where there are no meetings, make a phone call to the International Service Organization of SAA or to a nearby intergroup to inquire about finding a “long distance” sponsor. Finding someone may take time. Some members have found it useful to get a temporary sponsor until a more permanent one can be found.
Honesty, commitment, openness, and willingness are important attitudes for a sponsee. As addicts, we have often led secret lives. We check in regularly with our sponsor. Establishing your Three Circles will likely be one of the first tasks of this relationship. You also might discuss your expectations as to how you will work together.
Sponsors are not professionals. They are sex addicts who have found a way to stay sober and want to help others. You may not understand or like all the suggestions he or she makes, so we encourage you to ask questions. Try to stay open; they have traveled the road you are on and speak from experience. Sponsors do have lives; don’t be surprised if they are not always available. This is the time to reach out to others in the fellowship (Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 13).